Happiness found in design

Four weeks in and over all I'd say college is exactly what I need at this point in my life. It's not perfect. It's doesn't live up to my worst fears or my biggest hopes. It's nice. It's stable. The past 10 years of my life have been permanently unstable. It's nice to feel like I actually know what is going to be going on a month from now. It's calming.

The first project was a drawing project. I was pleased with my outcome, especially considering I despise drawing and am openly pretty bad at it. But in the group crit I was looking at other peoples work, particularly Tasha's, and I realized how little of me was in my work. There was nothing personal, no message, nothing. That's good, and it's bad. I like making pretty things. But I also like making unpretty things.

So in starting the design project, I had that in the back of my mind. But I didn't think design was really the project to get personal, to focus on concept. It's design, it's meant to be clean. The thing this course is teaching me is that nothing is what I thought it was. Drawing can have nothing to do with paper and pencil. Design can be raw and conceptual. It's confusing but I love it.

Coming up to the final group crit I wasn't sure what to present. I had a safe bet, a concept I believed in and a mystery project. One that had sort of came out of no where but that presented the opportunity to get personal. And to explore words. I love words. I love writing. Combine words with art and you have my favorite place in the world.

I went with my gut. I ignored my head and just created. I found myself in my favorite area of art. Personal meets words meets photography. And then finally, join that all up with instillation. 

Instillations are not meant to be photographed, they are meant to be seen. But my office isn't transportable, so photographs had to do. I like the photographs more than I thought I would, but they can't really compare to the feeling of standing in a dark room with nothing but one light having to duck under strings and hanging plastic to watch the shadows. 

I love studying art. It can be frustrating and confusing and it's a whole lot of work, but every now and again you get a moment where you're looking at something you've created and you're just happy. It's something you can't really beat.